Forgiving your bully or bullies isn’t an easy feat. I’ve struggled for years with resentment for those who have bullied me. I wanted to confront each one of my bullies and tell them what I really thought of them. However, I know that it’s impossible.
It’s very difficult for bullies to confess their wrongs. They will more likely adopt the defense mechanism of denial and will thus deny being bullies. Many will deny the suffering that they have caused someone. Some bullies will blame their targets and say that the latter made them to bully them; their targets are too sensitive, too quiet, too insecure, too popular, too successful, too weird, too special… In other words, they will find any excuse to bully someone. And bear in mind that happy people don’t bully others.
Many bullies believe that their targets deserve their ordeal. For example, if they are envious of their targets, they will think that the latter don’t deserve what they have, and it should have been them. How dare he/she succeed when I can’t? If they perceive a trait about you they don’t like such as being kind, hardworking, sensitive, popular, goal-oriented, confident or lacking confidence or a perceived weakness in your physical appearance such as being thin or fat, they will use it viciously against you as they need to bring you down at all costs in order to feel better about themselves. They need that false sense of superiority and power and that’s why bullies usually bully in cliques and use the maximum people they can to bring the victim down.
Many bullies won’t blame themselves if you fall ill as a result of bullying. They won’t suffer from a guilty conscience. Instead, some of them will try to hurt you again and again. As long as bullies are unhappy, they’ll make sure that you’re unhappy as well. Don’t forget, ‘misery loves company’. So, don’t expect that they’ll regret or ask for your forgiveness. It’s very rare that a bully will ask for forgiveness. The best they could do will be to act as if nothing had happened. Moreover, many bullies may not realise how deeply they have hurt you. They are so blinded by their own pain and suffering that they can’t see or understand the pain they are inflicting upon others.
Forgiveness is key if you really want to heal from bullying. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you should forget the wrongs done to you. I don’t think that we can ever forget. You forgive them not for their sake but for your own sake. Many may not deserve forgiveness as they will never acknowledge the pain they’d inflicted upon you or they simply don’t care that they have hurt you. And they may try to hurt you over and over again. But let go of their power over you. Let them go as you deserve so much better. You will know that you have forgiven them when you’ll catch yourself thinking about them and not feeling angry, hurt or bitter anymore. You’ll finally be at peace with what happened to you in the past. You deserve peace.
Self-forgiveness is also vital. Let go of any guilt regarding your bullying experience. You could be struggling with what you could have done to protect yourself more, with what ifs, maybes etc. Don’t torment yourself. Remember, you did what you could with the resources that you had at that time. You didn’t deserve to be bullied as no one deserves that. Let go of self-guilt, regret or doubts. Pamper yourself. Make time for yourself. Forgive yourself and forgive your bullies. Set yourself free.