Anyone can get bullied. Introverts and extroverts, shy and bold. Young and old, rich and poor. There’ll also be inconsiderate people who will blame you for being a victim of bullying. They will directly tell or infer things like: ‘You’re too sensitive, that’s why you took to heart their comments.’ ‘You’re too quiet, that’s why you didn’t stand up to the bullies.’ Always remind yourself that this person was not in your shoes while you were being bullied. His reaction could be very different if he were you. And that person may not really know how the bullying happened. Was the bullying covert or overt? In other words, were the attacks direct or indirect? Did you try to find solutions for the bullying to stop? And if you’re sensitive, so what? A chacun sa sensibilité. Embrace your sensitivity. You are who you are. But learn to protect yourself.
Richard Schwindt is a Canadian social worker and therapist in psychotherapy and hypnotherapy. He himself has experienced workplace bullying. In his book Emotional Recovery from Workplace Bullying: A Guide for Targets and their Supports, he writes about the ‘emotional terrorism’ of bullying:
This quote not only applies to workplace bullying but also to school bullying. You’re not weak if you have been targeted by bullies. Anyone can get bullied and it is a very tough experience to go through.
Bullies will justify their acts by blaming their victims. Never believe them. There is nothing to justify bullying. Never blame yourself. You did your best with the resources that you had at that moment. Of course, you should always strive to be a better version of yourself.
Never delude yourself into thinking that bullying fades away on its own. Stand up to your bully or bullies. If a bully says something unkind to your face, ask him to repeat what he had just said or ask him why he said that. If you can’t confront your bully or bullies if they outnumber you or are targeting you in a covert manner, report the bullying. Adopt the strategies that will work best for you.
Bullies will exaggerate your flaws and shortcomings to make you feel worthless. They thrive on them. Always remember that people don’t determine your worth, especially bullies. You’re worthy simply because you exist. I’ll repeat that more slowly and boldly.
YOU. ARE. WORTHY. SIMPLY. BECAUSE. YOU. EXIST.
Don’t feel ashamed if you’ve been bullied. Reach out to professionals who can help you heal. Practice self-care. If you’ve developed post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), somatic body work will be more useful as you have stuck trauma in your body. I’ve personally found that somatic body work and grounding have helped me ease PTSD symptoms and heal. Quitting a toxic environment is not weakness but the best you could do for your physical, mental and emotional health. Quitting is the last resort, but your work or school is not worth your health or your life.
It is vital to work on your self-love after being bullied. You may have unconsciously internalised the hate, belittling and humiliation directed at you. The nature of bullying is to make you believe that you are unworthy, that you have more weaknesses than good qualities. Love yourself. Understand that the hate directed at you has nothing to do with you. It has everything to do with the bully who struggles with negativity such as hatred, frustration, envy and jealousy. Loving people don’t bully others. Instead, they will build others up.
Forgive yourself for your mistakes and keep working on yourself to be a better version of yourself. Practising self-love will help you recover from your bullying experience in a more effective manner. Self-love will enable you to practise self-forgiveness and let go of the painful past. Don’t forget that you are worthy simply because you exist.
Bibliography
Schwindt, Richard. 2013. Emotional recovery from workplace bullying: A guide for targets and their supports. Amazon Kindle Edition.