We all face hardships and suffering in life as suffering is part of our human condition. But the good news is that we are all resilient. We all have that bounce back x factor within us. Richard Schwindt is a Canadian social worker and therapist in psychotherapy and hypnotherapy. He himself has experienced workplace bullying. In his book Emotional Recovery from Workplace Bullying: A guide for Targets and their Supports he writes about healing:
The ability to heal and be resilient is part of our human condition. Being resilient doesn’t mean that you should bounce back quickly at all costs. It simple means that you don’t remain stuck being a victim. Healing will not happen overnight. Allow yourself time to heal. No healing journey is the same. Some people who have a narrow perception of what you’ve been through could minimize your suffering and are not supportive on your healing journey. They may not understand why you are taking so long to heal. Each bullying experience is different, and each healing journey is different. But rest assured that you can heal and that you will heal. We are all resilient enough to heal from bullying and be happy.
Some victims of bullying turn into bullies. Unfortunately, they turned to a negative way of coping with their pain. Turning into bullies isn’t a solution and only perpetuates this cycle of violence. Deciding to let go of the hurt and to heal is in my humble opinion, the best solution.
The French psychiatrist Marie-France Hirigoyen in her book Le harcèlement moral: La violence perverse au quotidien writes about resilience:
« Le traumatisme vécu … laisse une trace qui ne s’effacera pas, mais sur laquelle il est possible de reconstruire. Cette expérience douloureuse de vie est souvent l’occasion d’une remobilisation personnelle. On en ressort plus fort, moins naïf… l’être humain qui a été traité cruellement peut puiser dans le constat de son impuissance de nouvelles forces pour l’avenir. (Le psychanalyste) Ferenczi note qu’une détresse extrême peut éveiller soudainement des dispositions latentes » (p. 233).
Translation: The trauma … will leave an indelible scar but will provide a foundation to rebuild your life. This painful life experience often shapes your character for the better. We become stronger, less naive… the human being who has been treated cruelly can draw from his helplessness resilience for the future. (The psychanalyst) Ferenczi states that a deep distress can suddenly awaken dormant potential.
Viktor Frankl was a World War 2 Holocaust survivor. He endured incredible sufferings and hardships in four concentration camps. He became a psychiatrist and taught a lot about suffering and resilience. In his book Man’s Search for Meaning, Frankl writes:
“In some ways suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds a meaning…”
Find a meaning for your suffering. There is a positive in every negative situation. What lessons did you learn from your bullying experience? What did you learn from that experience that can shape you in becoming a better version of yourself? Can you help another victim of bullying? Can you help stop bullying when you witness it?
I’ll never forget that therapist who was insecure about herself. When I made some progress during the therapy, she would infer that I progressed thanks to her. What she didn’t want to acknowledge was that she is only a facilitator to my progress and healing. I am the one who accepts to connect to my inner resources and to heal. You won’t heal unless you’ve made the decision to heal. You aren’t lacking in inner resources; it just means that you haven’t connected to these inner resources or not yet developed them. Professionals such as therapists and doctors only guide on our healing journey. They don’t heal us, we do.
Bibliography
Goodreads. « Viktor E. Frankl. Quotes. Quotable Quote. » https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/55188-in-some-ways-suffering-ceases-to-be-suffering-at-the
Hirigoyen, Marie-France. 1998. Le harcèlement moral : La violence perverse au quotidien. Paris : Syros.
Schwindt, Richard. 2013. Emotional recovery from workplace bullying: A guide for targets and their supports. Amazon Kindle Edition.